Dumb Things We Have Done While Drunk, By Zack Fair
by TheHunter747
Summary: Zack has nothing better to do, so decides to make a list of things he, Cloud, Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal have done while drunk. AU where Cloud is a SOLDIER.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Another FFVII humour fic from me! Yay! Once again, Zack and Cloud will be having some good ol' fashioned drinking fun. Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal will also crop up. Disclaimer on profile page, so let's get to the story NOW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CLOUD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zack, I dread to think what the answer will be, but what are you doing?"

"Hello to you too, 'Geal. And for your information, I'm making a list of all the dumbassed things I've done while drunk. Oh, and I'm adding in your's, Genesis's, Sephiroth's, and Cloud's drunk stories, too. And making little comments on them."

"Why?"

"Because, I've got nothin' better to do."

"I see. Should I alert Sephiroth to this?"

"Nah, this isn't dangerous."

And with that, Angeal very wisely turned and walked out the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ZACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Alright, so nothing this time, but next chapter will be the first thirteen(13) items on the list. However, I need people to send in dumbass things for the list! So review with your suggestions, please! And don't forget to fave and alert this story!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know I haven't updated in ages, but I've had a load of crazy shit to deal with. Starting university is a bitch. Still, updates for my pretties! Thank you for all the suggestions for things Zack has done while drunk. Some of these things are completely insane. Anyway, I figure fifteen per chapter will do for now. Oh, and if you have ideas, don't keep them to yourself! He doesn't HAVE to be drunk, it just helps. To insanity, AND BEYOND!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BUSTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DUMB THINGS I HAVE DONE WHILE DRUNK, BY ZACK FAIR

1) Drunk Dialed

Note to self, Sephiroth does not appreciate being woken up at half past four in the morning to be asked if he watered his begonias. Especially since he doesn't even OWN any begonias.

2) Asked for random sexual favors

I recently found out that Genesis will do ANYTHING while drunk. My arse hurt like hell the next morning, and it still hurts now, six months later.

3) Walked home barefoot in the snow

Got really bad frostbite. Never lending Genesis my shoes while he's drunk again. Ever. Period.

4) Talked to the cops

I was really sloshed this time. They didn't care. Gotta love Midgar.

5) Picked fights

On an unrelated matter, Sephiroth can still kick ass when he's drunk. Or maybe I was drunk. The punch removed most of my memories.

6) Experimented with new substances

Technically this wasn't me, it was El Bitcho Mondo, AKA Scarlett. And that is how she became a heroin addict, kiddies.

7) Woke up and had no fucking idea where I was

Turned out Angeal had let me sleep it off on his couch. Bought him a bottle of his favourite Corel whisky to say thanks.

8) Went home to talk to my parents

I have since decided that walking from Midgar to Gongaga in the middle of the night, with no weaponry, drunk, is never a good idea, and have resolved simply to phone them next time I want to talk to them while drunk.

9) Went swimming in the ocean, and then decided to attempt to swim across a lake

Fortunately Angeal found me before I drowned. That set me back two bottles of whisky in thanks.

10) Went to work

Have since found out that Pres. Shinra docks pay for showing up drunk. Bummer.

11) Molested a blow up doll

Kunsel STILL hasn't explained to me why he has that blow up doll in his apartment. Strange.

12) Made out with WAY too many males and females at once

Like I have previously mentioned, Genesis is a manwhore. As are Luxiere and Kunsel. Oh, and Aeris and that Tifa chick are pretty good kissers. Am I a manwhore?

13) Trashed my own house

Did not enjoy clearing that up. Especially since everyone else who was at the party bailed on me, and left me to clean it up alone. Such mean people.

14) Cut Sephiroth's hair off

Somehow the smug bastard managed to come into work the next day with his hair the way it was. Although Cloud seemed to have opted to see what he looked like bald, for some reason. He doesn't suit it, and Sephiroth definetely has hair extensions.

15) Woke up naked in Vincent's coffin

Ironically, it was Valentine's day. In more ways than one. I have now accepted the fact that I am a necrophiliac manwhore who likes sugar-daddys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWORD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Yay, insanity! Probably should have mentioned, the comments on the list will be from Zack's POV. If there is anyone reading this who doesn't understand what POV means, google it or something. Don't forget to F.A.R, or I will unleash my evil flying monkeys! Now FLY, my pretties, FLY! MWAHAHAHAHA!


End file.
